LearnEnglish Sport: Pom and Aussie's Ashes Blog

The Last Post?

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The weekend has just finished - a weekend without any Ashes cricket. It was the first weekend in around 70 which myself and an innumerable collection of like-minded fanatics would experience our first taste of PAC. This malady is otherwise known as Post-Ashes Comedown, a woe of considerable strength and discomfort, often rendering the victim completely speechless and stripped of all faculties. Thankfully the weekend weather prevented an immediate plunge into these murky depths; Sydney turned on a brilliant summer Saturday. It was enough to distract even the most die-hard cricket fan and turn distraught minds away from thoughts of wickets, run chases, middle-order collapses, five-wicket hauls, silly-mid-ons, and other bizarre sporting vernacular.

In short, I was spared.

Of course, it wasn’t meant to finish like this! A proper test, a normal test match, would have been a contest. It would have lasted the full five days and been a roller-coaster of emotions; a white-knuckle ride; two titans clad in brilliant white battling it out for the most highly-prized, erm, prize in cricket. Alas (I seem to be repeating this word far too frequently in these blogs), the contest once again fizzled. The reality was more like David’s puny little sister against the Australian Goliath than anything remotely Biblical. And once again we watched and cheered, and wanted more: more spirit; more drive; more cohesion; more fight.

I must say that I have never experienced an Aussie public in such a forgiving (dare I say sportsmanlike?) mood as the men, women and children with whom I have spent countless hours watching games over the past two months. The general public down under seems to have developed a very warm affection for the men from the ‘old dart’. Characters such as Freddy Flintoff, KP, and everyone’s favourite bearded leg-spinner, Monty Panasar, have become household names since the 2005 series. We seem to love ‘em almost as much as our home grown boys.

Despite the ultimate result of the series, this familiarity has meant that many Aussie fans are not as obsessed with total domination as perhaps they have been in the past. The absorbing contest of 2005 meant that we Aussies were keen for a tight series and were perhaps even willing to accept a Pommy win or two, providing the urn returned to its rightful place.

Oh well…..

Anyway, back to last weekend’s state of mind. My melancholy was compounded by the fact that, once again, England had failed to deliver and done so within three-and-a-bit days. My plans for a lazy Saturday in front of the box or down the pub fizzled out like one of Freddy’s (many) disastrous innings. Yet despite my selfishness, it was great to see the old guard of Warne, McGrath and Langer bow out in such style, especially in front of a sell-out SCG crowd.

It’s now a few days later and last night I sat in awe as my mate Stevo and I watched the 20/20 slog-fest between us and them (again!). We amassed a world record 221 and there were sixes hit so far and hard into the stands that the TV cameras had a hard time keeping up with the ball. Of course the record score was made by the men in the green and gold, our fair-skinned brethren well and truly beaten once again.

So now we move into the world of the triangular one-day series. Looking at the form guide you’d have to say that Australia will dominate the series, beat England three times, probably lose to the Kiwis once and then win the final with ease. I’ve got tickets for one of the Aus vs England games at the SCG so I hope it’s not too one sided.

It’s been an excellent experience documenting my thoughts over this period and has certainly intensified my passion for the sport. In a nation of sporting nutcases it is undoubtedly true that nothing stirs the passions of the nation as a whole like the weird and wonderful (and gloriously long) spectacle that is The Ashes.

Long may it last!

by Aussie

A change of tack

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The front page of last Saturday’s paper had an enlarged photo of a day four ticket for the Sydney test. Underneath the picture the following headline was printed, pondering the question – Is this the most worthless piece of paper in Australia ? The impact of such a journalistic dig was not lost on me.

After my despair and anger due to the lack of a true contest in the first and third tests of the series I had begun my Christmas holiday in a bit of a decline. Although thrilled at our boys having reclaimed the Ashes, my pride was tinged with anger due to the fact that the contest was effectively over. As I’ve stated previously, it was silly and selfish but I couldn’t help it. In retrospect I had become a cricket addict and was staring down the barrel of a long period without a proper fix!

Despite the fact that the real contest was over, I began to look forward to the fourth test. I had faith in the fact that the English have traditionally played very well in the Victorian capital. I still had childhood memories of watching Ian Botham’s solo brilliance against Australia in the Boxing Day test of 1987. Perhaps the Poms could finally provide some sort of proper opposition?

Alas, my positive (perhaps completely stupid) attitude was crushed as soon as the human battle axe, Andrew Symonds, began his 156 run assault on a fragile English bowling attack. It was during this magnificent display by one of the most exciting big hitters to recently grace the field that I thought it was time to ditch my unpatriotic despair and turn full circle. The hour had come to fully support my team in their bid to achieve a 5-0 clean sweep in the series. I dusted off the green and gold shirt, lathered my face up with coloured zinc, grabbed a slab of beer from the bottle shop and settled in to watch another England implosion.

There are hundreds of adjectives we could throw around with reference to Ponting’s boys in the fourth test and the series so far and all of them would be glowing. Timing, tenacity, flair, drive - the list goes on! The way that Australia has managed to apply pressure at critical times; their ability to stifle the Poms whenever they look like getting into a scoring mood; the number of times we have formed century partnerships and amassed runs when it looked like England had the upper hand. Whew! It’s really been the Aussie show for four tests now.

So now we have arrived at the fifth test and perhaps England ’s best opportunity to notch up a win, or at least a draw. At least they could put up a bit of a fight? At the end of day two it is pretty evenly balanced. Freddy Flintoff has finally scored some runs and there seems to be a bit of fire in the English belly. Strangely the Sydney weather has been more tropical than that of a city in the grip of drought. If it continues pouring like it has been this week we may see a draw due to rain affected play. Could it be that finally the Poms will come away with something other than a loss this week? Time will tell.

by Aussie

The End

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It feels like a beautiful morning that is transformed in an instant by a sudden squall or rainstorm. The amazing buzz that I had on the second day of the second test has disappeared completely, it's place filled with an empty space; a hole that will be difficult to get rid of for a good month or so yet.

Once again you readers must think that I am some Aussie turncoat - a non-believer in the Baggy Green; a sham! Well, following the line of thinking of my last contribution to this blog, I stand by my sportsman's belief in the thrill of a tight series. I write to you readers with total admiration for 'Punter' and the boys. They have been composed and fiery throughout the series and an obvious unit working together for a common cause. And with Ponting, 'Mr Cricket'(Hussey), Stewart Clarke and the rejuvenated (other) Clarke, we are on fire. The spirit and determination our boys displayed was worthy of the esteemed Green headwear they don with such pride and once again demonstrated that this wonderful sport still embodies the 'essence' of what it means to be Aussie.

The problem is that I am undeniably selfish when the Ashes are involved. Selfish because I just love the spectacle, the thrill of the chase, the battle. Oh yes, let us not pretend that this 'game', which looks so innocent to the outsider, is anything but gladiatorial combat. The protagonists are out for blood and, from the evidence so far demonstrated in this series, our boys are far more hungry.

Which gives the disappointment all that more impact. The cricketing world was so geared up for this competition, so ready for the closest series in years, that anything other than a nail biter in the final test wouldn't suffice. Unfortunately that juncture is where we now find ourselves.

So, as I prepare to head down the South Coast of NSW for 10 days of Christmas fun in the sun, I am frantically thinking of alternative pursuits to the lazy, alcohol and leftover food filled days that I had planned. Sure, I will throw on the box or radio intermittently to see how much we are hammering them, but the thrill will be minimal.

Until next year I suppose!

by Aussie

What a shame! But is it?

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What can a Pommie Australian say about this series, other than that I will always be on the winning side!  What a cop out, where is your heart? Am I not stirred by seeing one's country perform in this extraordinarily English invention which no other nations (other than a few ex British colonies) can either understand or appreciate?  Well yes and no and yes I can and do - because both are my country.  I do very much like the Englishness of cricket (despite Packer's interventions) and I do like to take the piss when with English friends, but am somewhat chastened by my Aussie mates who consider me a Pom.  But I also enjoy the aggressiveness and competitive nature of the Australians.  So I sit on the fence and can freely support the winner while enjoying the game (maybe a definite Pom at heart).

Well my heart at the moment does go out to the English, entering the third day of the third test with Australia only wanting a third win (good things come in three's) to win the Ashes and turn a temporary phenomenon (England winning any sporting event) into normality (Australia winning all sporting events). Can England summon the will, the determination, the energy, the guts, the backs to the wall spirit of 1940 to turn this game around. Frankly NO.

A friend of mine (an Australian) who played grade cricket for NSW and captained a Kent county side in the UK for a couple of seasons in the 80's, once observed: the English play cricket for the game, the Australians to win. While this little adage has lost some of its currency and England in all sports across the board are more competitive generally, the legacy remains. Namely, when it comes down to the wire, they bottle out: they cannot perform in front of goal in international penalty shoot outs, they cannot convert tries when the need is desperate and they will not defeat Australia in test series. Thus they will lose their temporary possession - the Ashes after all represents the death of English cricket - and will remain about number 4 or 5 on the international cricket ladder. What a shame! But is it? What is going on here? Are we expecting too much from the mother country?

To explore this question we have to go back to the origins of the many games which the English (sorry British) have brought to the world and popularised (even though they may not have been the originator) and examine this legacy. These so called games include: association football, rugby union and league, cricket, croquet, tennis (although the Chinese also lay claim to this), Badminton, lawn bowls, hockey.... there are numerous others. What was it that the English had in mind when these games were "invented"? A GAME! A social event to titillate and engage people, to divert from the pressures of (often) the court. These events are first and foremost - games of cricket, football, union etc. While this attribute is not recognised by Australians (even at primary school level) nor increasingly by the British, influenced as they are by the lure of mega quids and bucks, it is nevertheless a fundamental underpinning of the English culture and its way of life: thus we have the expressions in the ENGLISH language - "it simply isn't cricket" or "play the game" or "it's all in the game" etc, etc to depict desirable cultural characteristics. Moreover, there is a belief in this ideology. Cultural anthropologists have opined that a nation's culture can take numerous generations to change and with the English this is likely to extend to millenia because the English generally consider their way of life and culture to be right, the best, the one to be imitated and emulated (hence the British Council). So, the will to win (at sport) and the "killer instinct" so revered by and necessary to sports people who succeed and aspire to the pinnacle of their profession, is often absent in the English sports person (at least to the degree necessary for sustained performance). A generalisation it is true as there are clear examples of the contrary (Botham, Martin Johnson, possibly Freddie Flintoff) but a swallow does not make a summer and if all the team are not so committed, then one man cannot hope to sustain their team constantly, especially in the case of a cricket test over a potential 25 days. To examine this sublimated aggression, take an example from yesterdays proceedings at the WACA - one member of the Australian side. A new (old) man reintroduced into the side: Andrew Symonds (born in Birmingham England by the way). Just one of 11 but what prowess as a fieldsman, what a commitment, what an athlete! Nothing got past him, he was always waiting, ready, anticipating the flight of the ball when it came his way - like a cat ready to pounce on an unsuspecting mouse and with the same dexterity and energy. Did we see this in the English field? The difference could be put down to competition for places, so much greater to get into the Australian side. But is it this alone?. I don't think so, there are other reasons and one of these relates to history and culture. Ask yourself, who in the English side apart from Flintoff shows any real aggression? Surely it is Pietersen and he is South African.

So, will the Poms win this match? No.  Will Australia regain their rightful possession? Yes.  Should we be surprised? No.  Is there anything the Poms can do about it? No.  Is there any point in watching any more cricket - well yes IF you like the game for itself and are not obsessed by the outcome.  This antidote to life is after all why we like to be so diverted and indeed need to be from time to time - so enjoy!

by Pom II

We must not win!

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13 December 2006

Everyone in Australia is praying for an England win; or at least a draw. Thanks to the Pom’s capitulation and complete lack of faith when confronted with the Shane Warne voodoo, the entire populace of this sunburnt (and currently scorched) country is praying for a win for the visitors. A draw would suffice, I suppose.

Regardless of the way they do it, we do not want to win this one! It’s a very strange feeling for a green and gold supporter, but one which is completely understandable. I will explain why. The main reason is, despite our almost total domination of the game in recent years, we Aussies love a good contest. A whitewash is no fun (well not really that interesting). The second is far more selfish. My fellow countrymen and I want to be able to settle back on our couches on Boxing day, our bellies full to the brim with festive fare, and sit in the probable 30+ heat while watching a thrilling fourth test from the MCG.

If England can pull something out of the hat in this test, then the silly season will be all that sillier. It needs to be so. For the sake of the game and all of the furore created in the past 18 months England need to put us to the sword. The spectacle demands such a thing.

14 December 2006

It’s now 8.20 pm on the first day of play and I’m sitting at my parents’ house (it’s a steamy 28 degrees and very humid!) and England are now batting, in what has been an extraordinary first day of play in Perth . The man on every cricket lover’s lips, Monty Panasar, has taken five wickets (the third best figures for an Englishman at the WACA apparently!) and Harmison has done a Lazarus and returned from the brink to take 4. It currently bodes well for our fair skinned friends, although it is evident from recent form that perhaps a couple of decent sessions is all the Poms have in them at this juncture in each test. Time will tell.

Sorry to be an utter bore and harp on like Tony Greig reminiscing about his Sith Ifrican days, but what is most important is the result this weekend. WE MUST NOT WIN!

Now, there may well be a few conspiracy theorists among us who think that the ‘powers that be’ may rig the series in order to maintain public interest and (more importantly) TV ratings and endorsements. I am more of a purist and believe in the power of the game; a force which draws the supporter in, thrills and torments them through every minute of a five-day test.

More and more I am coming to realise that this kind of enjoyment; this passion and unadulterated excitement, is just part and parcel of the gentleman’s game.

Long live the Ashes and long live this series! Let’s see what tomorrow brings!

by Aussie

England snatch defeat from the jaws of victory

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Capitulation. Annihilation. Humiliation. An amazing performance. The best test ever. The biggest defeat ever. There will be many highly charged adjectives and immense superlatives thrown about in the next few days and weeks by the  Australian and English press. All of them will heap praise on the Aussie cricket machine and deride the pathetic, almost unbelievable performance of the English.

The English. What is it with the psychology of English sportsmen that they seem to implode when the screws are turned? We saw it this summer in perhaps the greatest event of all, the World Cup. Now this performance in the glorious surrounds of the Adelaide oval only confirms that the current holders of the precious urn are champion Pommy bottlers through and through.

As I sat after work (how civilised!) with my good mate Steve in a pub full to the rafters with a group of delirious Aussies and despondent Englishmen, I felt a distinct feeling of mixed emotions. On the one hand the patriot in me was revelling in the glory of winning and humiliating the ‘old enemy’ at the same time. On the other hand I was fearful of the fact that another win for us would mean an early end to the contest as far as this year’s Ashes are concerned. This now seems to be the case!

As I sit here tonight and stare out at Sydney harbour, I am trawling through the internet and listening to a selection of English podcasts made immediately after the fifth day’s play last night. Pundits from The BBC, The Independent and The Guardian are all dumbfounded by the result and seem about as dejected as the players themselves. It is a sobering feeling listening to great ex-players such as Geoffrey Boycott as they summarise the performance of the two teams and stare pessimistically into the future. It’s something like coming across a car crash – you want to turn away but feel compelled to look at the wreck in some sort of macabre way.

Thinking about it more I really am very annoyed with this result and worried that my carefully laid plans for my Christmas holiday are now in tatters. Day upon day of planned cricket viewing may now have to make way for other pursuits such as swimming, surfing or, dare I say it, talking to my family about non-cricketing matters. It just will not do!

The line I think best sums up the English performance is the old classic ‘England snatch defeat from the jaws of victory’. I need say no more. Until next time people.

by Aussie

The Tale Of Two Balls

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LET me tell you a short story about cricket; I'll call it The Tale Of Two Balls. Old Trafford, June 4, 1993 - the first Test of an eagerly awaited Ashes series. A world class player of spin, English batsman Mike Gatting prowls the crease. The return of the redoubtable Gatting has heartened a pessimistic nation. The Australians know they are in for a much stiffer contest than the walkover of 1990/1991.

Facing Gatting is an obscure leg spinner by the name of Shane Warne. Warne's Test career is modest so far - 31 wickets in 11 matches at an average of just over 30. Rotating his head like a meerkat, Gatting assesses the chinks in opposing captain Allan Border's armour. Mentally, he lasers a line through the field placement to the most vulnerable boundary. As Warne works through his approach of a few paces, Gatting looks every inch the man to plunder runs. The ball twirls through the air, drifts down Gatting's leg side and bounces on the pitch well outside leg stump. Sensibly, Gatting thrusts his left leg forward, aligning his bat with his pad to defend against the spin.

Then, in a crystallised moment of sporting perfection, time slows down, stops and speeds up again. The ball bites the ground, hard, and springs prodigiously to the side, from right to left, evading Gatting's bat to clip the top off his off-stump. It is a moment Gatting - shaking his head in disbelief as he trudges from the field - will rewind ad infinitum in the theatre of the mind. It is the moment when a single ball - the Ball Of The Century, no less - announces the arrival of a genius and the end of a contest.

Now, fast forward, Time Traveller, to the Gabba, November 23, 2006; the first Test of another hugely anticipated Ashes series. Short and squat, Aussie captain Ponting wins the toss; long and spare, Harmison opens the bowling. Months of pent-up energy come down to this simple act - a tall man throwing a small, leather-clad ball at three sticks. Everyone knows the lolloping Geordie can, on his day, destroy a side in a style reminiscent of the great West Indian, Curtly Ambrose. Harmison steams in with huge strides and releases at the top of his rotation...but Langer, the batsman he so peppered at Lords, offers no stroke.

Indeed, not only does Langer offer no stroke; he cannot - the ball is so hideously wide you would need three bats stuck end-to-end to reach it. Something has gone terribly, fundamentally wrong - the ball has slipped out of Harmison's hand from the wrong place at the wrong time. It skews sideways across the wicket, bouncing into the hands of the startled Flintoff at second slip. Silence in the Gabba, then...laughter. From that moment on the belief drains from the Englishmen; ditto their supporters watching back home.

As the Australians pile on the runs, the first Test becomes embarrassing; as McGrath dismantles the upper order, it becomes unendurable. There are murmurs of oppostion from (who else?) Flintoff, who takes four wickets, and Pieterson, who puts on 92. But once again a single defining moment, the photo negative of Warne's, if you like, has pre-determined the outcome of the match.

Is it too far-fetched to suggest that it, like the Ball Of The Century, could have pre-determined the outcome of an entire series? Will the dismal trajectory of Harmison's opening salvo mirror the waywardness of all English hopes? With Adelaide fast approaching, we must hope not - both for ourselves, and for the sake of the superlative Australians.

For however seductive the prospect of a whitewash might sound, Ponting knows, and all but the most unenlightened of Australian fans know, that it is far, far sweeter to win tooth and nail, to claw that hard-won victory, than witness an act of sporting self-destruction.

by Pom

The three main factors

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So, the first test is over – long live the Aussies! Once again the Australian cricket team has shown that it is top dog on home soil. If we look at the reasons for the crushing Australian win there are many clues which demonstrate why my team cruised so easily to an eventual victory on Monday. There were three main factors that came into play in this first game of what promises to be an epic series: winning (or losing) the toss; fitness and match practice; attitude.

The toss

Experts stated before the series began that the outcome of the toss would be pivotal in deciding the overall result at the end of each game. Many went further and said that the England captain would need to win 4 of the 5 tosses in order to retain the Ashes. Last Friday proved this point perfectly. I sat and watched Ponting and Flintoff (wearing their traditional baggy green and British blue caps) during those vital seconds as the coin spun in the air and then settled on the ground. Ricky had won this battle and it was a very good sign for the Aussie faithful. He chose to bat first – and bat he did! 196 runs for himself and 602 for the team as a whole. A massive score and one of the highest first innings totals ever by a test team at the GABBA. Winning the toss was essential to the Aussie win.

Fitness and match practice

The Australian team may be fairly old in comparison with the England team, but their performance pointed to an almost complete domination in terms of fitness and stamina. There’s been a lot of talk about McGrath, Langer and Hayden being past it, unable to take the pressures of a five-test series under the scorching Aussie summer sun. With wickets, runs and dazzling all-round performances, the old boys proved the critics wrong.

The fact that Australia had recently won the tough ICC champion’s trophy, as well as having a gruelling test schedule in 2006, seems to point to the fact that they have a level of match fitness (and therefore team ‘togetherness’) that is far superior to that of the English. Obviously time will tell if my analysis is correct, but for now it seems to be so.

Attitude

My final point has to do with attitude. From the evidence of the first test the Aussie team appears to be bursting at the seams with attitude. The first innings batting performances aptly demonstrated the fire in Australia ’s belly, particularly contrasted against the erratic bowling performance of the English. However, it was when McGrath and Brett Lee hit the field that the difference in attitude became clear. The two opening bowlers (as well as new boy Stewart Clarke) dazzled the local crowds and frightened the Poms so much that they were all out for a measly 157. This awesome display inspired the rest of the team and soon our boys were electric in the field, not missing a beat and almost scaring the opposition into submission. Attitude and the will to win played an enormous part in our victory.

It all looks good for the second test and the country is abuzz with anticipation for Friday’s game. Let’s hope the news will be as positive for Aussie fans in our next edition! See you next week.

by Aussie

The power behind England

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THERE is a new billboard at the side of a road not far from my office which consistently draws the eye.

The striking 40ft-wide poster adorning it shows a naked man crouching inside a circle of scorched earth.

A sphere of lightning crackles around him as if he were enlosed in the bulb of a Van De Graff machine.

His skin is electric blue and a set of flaming cricket stumps, soon to become ashes, burn in the background.

The iconic pose is instantly recognisable to anyone who has seen James Cameron's 1984 sci-fi masterpiece, The Terminator.

Arnold Schwarzenegger - the android assassin of the piece - adopted it in the opening reels of that seminal film.

But closer inspection of the poster reveals that this isn't a Christmas plug for a new Director's Cut edition.

The hulking figure who forms its focal point may, at first glance, bear a passing resemblance to the Austrian Oak.

He is a big man, for sure, but sleeker than the current Mayor of California ever was; and, more importantly, he bears a telltale tattoo on the tricep of his left arm: the badge of the English Cricket Board.

It speaks volumes that npower, the utilities company which sponsors the England team, should choose Kevin Pieterson to spearhead its Ashes campaign: a South African upon whose broad shoulders another nation's hopes now rest.

Pieterson, the punk who sported a haircut like a dead skunk and spoke with an accent that rattled the teacups at the Marylebone Cricket Club...

Pieterson, the reluctantly adopted son who returned to his homeland to face jeering crowds...then clubbed 454 runs at an average of 151, including the fastest ever century by an England player in a limited-overs game...

Pieterson, the cocky twenty-something produced like a questionable ace from the sly sleeve of the board of selectors at the start of last year's tumultuous Ashes...

Pieterson, the man-child who came of age at the Oval, smashing a maiden Test century of truly breathtaking bravura...on the final afternoon of arguably the most dramatic series in the history of the sport...

Early on that famous afternoon Pieterson's county captain Shane Warne put him down at slips; it was the sort of catch the wizard of spin would snaffle nine times out of ten.

It was so fittingly delicious, a final twist to the drama - Australia's outstanding individual (not to mention Pieterson's best buddy) had literally let the Ashes slip through his fingers...and he knew it.

Buoyed by his good fortune, Pieterson plundered runs freely after that – a smash and grab routine that culminated in him punching the air as the crowd rose to salute a new hero.

Craggy with experience at the highest level, the Australians will treat Flintoff with respect this winter; they will respect Harmison, too, if he bangs in deliveries from that fearsome height, as he sometimes can.

But the only player they will truly fear, the only player whose brash unorthodoxy is as unpredictable and dangerous as a firecracker in a lift, is Pieterson.

However harsh things might become at the crease, Pieterson is dauntless; a wild, elemental force with bulging Popeye forearms, who grinningly hoists McGrath and co. to the stars.

Sometimes he will fail - as he did against the Prime Minister's XI, mustering a measly seven runs before succumbing, skittishly, to a short ball.

But sometimes he won't - just ask the New South Wales players who watched 116 runs flow from his pulverising bat in Sydney a week ago.

And on the days when Pieterson doesn't destroy himself, Australia, the wily Dad's Army of international cricket, will fear the might of the man dubbed, in that memorable poster, 'the power behind England'.

by Pom

Glossary

board of selectors: group of people who choose who plays in a team
crease: a line marked on the ground where the player stands to hit the ball in cricket
cricket stumps: the three vertical wooden poles at which the ball is thrown in cricket
opening reels: the beginning (of a film)
Popeye (the sailor): a famous comic strip character with a unique way of speaking, muscular forearms with two anchors tattooed on them, and an ever-present corncob pipe
slips: group of 1-4 fielders who stand next to the wicketkeeper (catcher) and try and catch the ball if it comes to them
smash and grab raid: a crime in which thieves break the window of a shop and steal things before quickly escaping
Van De Graff machine: a device which produces high voltages

Anticipating the first ball

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The nation is ready, the media have been talking about nothing else, and now it is almost time for the speculation to stop, the spectators to take their seats and we all let the players take control. The lucky ones will have the pleasure of spending the day under the hot Queensland sun (there are reports of people paying up to $1500 for a ticket!) in front of the action at the GABBA. For the rest of us we will have to be glued to the TV or the radio, watching or listening to every move in this most complex of games.

The Ashes will begin on November 23rd and the sport-crazy citizens of England and Australia will watch, with a level of excitement rarely seen in sporting terms. As well as the ‘normal’ fans, we will see the ‘Barmy Army’ of hardcore England fans, as well as their Australian equivalent, the ‘Fanatics’. These groups provide almost as much entertainment as the cricket players, with their chants, parodying the opposition players and also their fans.

Here are some examples of the chants these opposing fans might be hurling at each other this summer. (Warning: some of the language is seriously weird):

The Barmy Army

He's fat
He's round
He bounces on the ground
Shane Warne, Shane Warne

The Fanatics

Give him the ball and a metre of grass,
And he'll leave the batsman lying on his arse,
Lee Lee Oh Oh Brett Lee.

Although this apparent shouting at each other may seem a little harsh, it is really a modern part of the spirit of the ‘gentleman’s game’. Fans from both sides get so swept up in the fever of the competition (as well as the fact that they usually drink quite a few beers in the hot Aussie sun!) and the spirit of the game that they are compelled to be vocal. Cricket may be a long game, but there’s no denying that it’s a passionate one.

The players are generally very appreciative of their fans’ dedication and often react on the field with appreciation of the noise and commotion off the field. It’s an amazing sight to see the players interacting with the crowd; each side encouraging the other as the tension builds throughout the game.

Ultimately the game is what we are interested in, and the game (or series of games) is approaching as fast as a Brett Lee bouncer. The press keep telling us this is ‘the most anticipated series in a generation’ – I hope they are right. There have been a few injury scares in the build up this week: the versatile all-rounder Shane Watson for the Aussies; the wily Steve Harmison for the English. Both players will be doing everything within their powers to ensure that they are ready to put on their treasured whites and start Thursday’s match in fine form.

Personally I am about as excited as I could possibly be. I have already reserved my seat in the air-conditioned room in the downstairs of my parents’ beachside house. Saturday will be the first of many days this summer where I will assume the same position and sit for hours in front of the screen. To some people this may seem a little crazy. To me it’s the most natural and thrilling thing this summer.

by Aussie